If this is survival, I want to die... (poem)
This post is a free form creative poem that may be upsetting.
Trigger warning: Domestic Family Violence, Abuse, Suicide, Death, PTSD.
On the 15th of June I should have died. And March last year I should have died. And when I was 11 I should have died.
On the 15th of June I lost my home. Last year I lost my belongings. And when I was 11 I lost my Dad.
On the 15th of June I left. Last year I stayed. And when I was 11 he left.
On the 15th of June it was a baseball bat. Last year it was knives getting thrown in the kitchen. And when I was 11 it was a knife to my throat.
On the 15th of June it was out of the blue without warning. Last year it was during a cyclone. When I was 11 it was at my family home.
On the 15th of June I screamed that "i choose to live". What an idiot.
Like you have any choice. You should have died. Someone else always helps. You can't protect yourself. You are weak. You should have died.
I think a part of me did.
On the 15th of June I lost hope. Last year I lost control. When I was 11 I lost reality.
On the 15th of June I fled in the middle of the night. Last year I stayed and thought it would get better, that he would stop. When I was 11 I wanted to die.
On the 15th of June I should have been hit. Last year I should have been stabbed. And when I was 11 I should have had my throat slit.
They say it's good that I got out. That I can have help now. I'll find a new home. I will get to live. This isn't living. This is watching the clock every single day within for it to be bedtime, so that I can not live.
I said that I choose to live... if this is living, I want to die.
-Jen xx
Comments